When We Were Young
by x goodbye is bittersweet x
Summary: (For Morgan) They are kids, careless, free. They are adults, cautious, grown. They are broken, torn, different.


_I know this is late, but Happy Birthday Morgan! This is for you (of course) and I apologise already for the ending ;) I'll write a nicer one soon to make up for it XD (and I apologise if I didn't write Mhari correctly)_

* * *

"Do you want to live forever?" she is young, docile and wide eyed as she gazes at her best friend. The rays of sunshine beam down on the two of them, making their irises dazzle and dance with light. He doesn't respond for a second, the slight hum building in his throat makes it clear he is going over his answer. He is twelve, she is nine. They are children, carefree and innocent. They are wild and yet cautious, they have broad dreams of who they want to be, what they will do.

"No, I don't think so." it is not unusual for the pair to talk about serious topics, a fact that made most adults chuckle at the solemn looks on young faces, before they light up with the childhood wonder that sparked nostalgia in aged features. More silence follows, the two merely looking at each other, each laid on their sides for the purpose of being able to see one another. They are near brother and sister, consider each other exactly that. He knows that when she's upset, the castle cats never fail to make her smile. She knows that when he's angry, playing pretend will dissipate the rage.

"Why?" a crinkle of her nose as if his answer was crazy, as if it was the most absurd thing she has ever heard, "Imagine being able to live for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years!"

"But all those I love will not be with me." he points out in respond, sitting up. They are in the meadow behind the castle, the one filled with flowers and the willow tree shadowing the pond. He runs his fingers over the flowers, plucking one and throwing it into the water. For a boy of twelve and for a girl of nine they are rather mature, despite the childish moments that could only be a given. They were, after all, children.

"Huh... never thought of that. Hmmm.. if we both could live forever, would you?"

"What about family?" he had a dependency on his older brother, one that stemmed from a much deeper circumstance than just brotherhood. His brother is all he has, his father was gone and he was lucky to even be allowed to stay within the castle grounds. He knew the king wasn't all too keen to house the two boys, but his brother proved to be an excellent stable-boy. His lips part as if he were about to say something else, before a shout from the edge of the meadow.

"Killian! Come along, you're needed in the kitchen! Princess Mhari, your father requests you join him in the throne room!" it was Liam, standing tall at the opening in the trees. He is eighteen years of age and one of the sweetest people either of them have ever known. Strict when he needed to be, but able to relent and go soft on them. They jump up in unison, running through the long grass with the brightest smiles illuminating their faces.

 _They are young, careless, they believe they can take on the world._

* * *

"Do you really have to go?" she asks, crossing her arms just at the thought of losing him. She has grown into a beautiful young woman, fair skin and raven locks that fall past slight shoulders. She is eighteen and though years of learning have succeeded in making her the perfect princess, there is a streak of adventure that resonates through her veins. She is talking to him of course, he is no longer the young boy she once played with within the meadow. He is twenty-one and has finally grown into himself, broad shouldered and tall, his dark hair starkly contrasting with azure eyes.

"Aye, you know I wish I could stay, but the ocean calls to me, love." over the years he has adopted a mannerism of speaking, his accent has always been different to those around the kingdom and due to the constant trips to the village, where sailors were frequent, he has picked up their way of speaking. Sailors and... pirates. Killian has been waiting for this day so long, despite the sense of despair he feels about leaving Mhari. She is still his best friend, even with their clear differences. She is the King's daughter and he is the cook's assistant. They are polar opposites, but it doesn't phase them, never has.

"And what if you get hurt? Who will bring the cats to me then?" her brows are furrowed when she looks up at him. That irritates her, the fact she must physically look up to him. Killian usually takes joy in teasing her about their height difference, that is something she is going to miss.

"I'm sure you can get the maids to. The bloody furballs hate me anyway." he is not a fan of cats, probably never will be, but they're important to her so he would always go through bringing them to her if she requested it. At the slight fall in her features, indicating that she is distraught over him leaving, Killian places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to get hurt, I promise."

"And you'll come back? You won't fall in love with some girl and never return to me?"

"Are you crazy? No one's ever going to be more important than you." that seemed to do the trick, the corners of her lips flick up into a beaming smile at him. Eventually the time comes and Killian says his final goodbye to the girl he has talked with for over a decade. He stands at the back of the ship, waving to her until she is just a blurred dot in the distance.

 _They are growing, mature, they know the world is difficult and cruel._

* * *

"Is he really gone?" word has reached back to the kingdom that Captain Liam Jones was killed in service. Mhari is devastated, not only because he was like a brother to her too, but also because she knows how this will have affected Killian. He had always kept feelings on the inside, she knows this will have killed him, he wouldn't be the same. Part of her still doesn't believe it, Liam couldn't be dead, surely? The grave face of her maid tells her all she needs to know. The fear is confirmed, he truly is gone. The maid continues to tell her what happened, further still until Mhari finds out that no one has seen the ship since word got back. Her chest tightens at that, what if the ship had been taken over by pirates? What if a storm had hit and the ship had gone under? Was Killian alright?

"I understand. Thank you." her voice does not sound familiar, it sounds strained. Mhari feels the dread knotting in her stomach. It has been a year since she saw Killian last, a year he has been in service. They have written to each other, but not for a while now. She has no idea where he is, if he is the same person she once knew or if he has changed, she doesn't know if he is even dead or alive. Days without him had been long, weary. She had no excuse to visit the kitchens now, nor did she have anyone to roam the halls, the meadows, the fields with after completing a boring day of nothing. He had always made time for her, even with his hectic job in the kitchens, it was something she had always appreciated about him.

With a sigh of defeat, the princess situates herself at the desk, preparing to write the first letter in over six months to her (ex?) best friend. She continues writing until she forgets what time it is, and when several pieces of parchment were filled. Mhari doesn't know how she will get them to Killian, she has no idea where on earth he is - or if he even is on Earth. She has heard countless stories of other realms, only accessible by a rare bean. Her and Killian had always wanted to find one of these beans, they had found the idea fascinating. The idea that they would probably never do that filled her with a sense of longing, the child in her completely crestfallen. She shakes her head, wiping her mind of these thoughts, and simply leaving the letters there on the desk.

 _They are different, apart, they wish they were children again._

* * *

"What is it?" it has been three years since that last letter. Three years can change a person, she is now ready to be queen, despite the ever-growing danger and population of pirates. She was always there when her father received news that yet another one of their ships had been taken over by pirates, their goods stolen. The rising notoriety of one particular pirate had caught her attention: Captain Hook. Not only because he is arguably the most dangerous, but also because something about his face on the wanted poster was familiar. She swore she knew him from somewhere. Where? She wasn't too sure.

She reaches her father's throne, stepping to the side to dodge the man on his knees surrounded heavily by guards. Her eyes travel to the man in front of her father's throne, he is none other than the infamous Captain Hook, his features hardened, lips twisted into a scowl. Perhaps it is her imagination, but when their gaze meets, his features seem to soften ever so slightly, a flicker of recognition shining in his eyes. Is it just her, or does the scowl hint at a smile instead? Another shake of her head, is she really trying to relate to a pirate? Mhari is one of the most open-minded people one will ever know, but even her patience has worn thin with this particular man. She has heard about what he does, how he doesn't care who he hurts, who he sleeps with, who he robs. He is selfish, and she cannot stand that. She can still feel his eyes burning into her back as she talks with her father. The princess sneaks another glance to him; it was that look that reminded her. It was his eyes, the intricate pattern to the irises where all the hues of blue met, it was the broadness of his shoulders, the smirk now curling at his lips. She would recognise that smirk anywhere.

 _This man is Killian Jones._

"Get to the point, mate, a man doesn't like to wait." his voice sounds the same, aged yes, but the same still. He doesn't even react when the guards' grips on him tighten with his disrespect to their ruler, it's nothing he hasn't faced before. He doesn't react when they drag him to the dungeon. He doesn't react when he's thrown inside nor when he hears the lock click. He knows Mhari will attempt to see him, she will try not to, she will try to ignore the curiosity, but he knows her. She has always let curiosity get the best of her.

He is correct. Not even an hour later, she is in front of the bars, trying to get him to talk. There is nothing more he wants than to talk to her, to tell her everything, to tell her how much he misses her, but he is no longer Killian Jones. He is Captain Hook. He is no longer the young boy laying in the meadow facing her, talking about his dreams and who he wants to be. He is now the cold-hearted, darkened captain who destroyed the dreams, destroyed the person he wanted to be. And so, he doesn't respond to her, he just stands, leaning against the rusting bars and inspecting the wrist that once held his brace and hook. He can see the pain in her eyes at the realisation that he won't respond. She's trying, he knows, but he doesn't want her to try. He wants her to forget him completely.

"Please, Killian..." the pain in her voice makes him close his eyes, it mirrors the pain he felt when Liam passed, when his hand was removed, when everything crumbled to pieces. He finally brings himself to meet her gaze, his face a careful mask of no emotion. He knows this could be the last time he ever hears her voice, if he is correct in thinking, the King will order for his execution before the day even ends. He should take this chance to admit everything to her. Lips parting to say something, he tried for a smile.

"I broke my promise to you, and for that I am sorry. I promised I wouldn't get hurt, I promised I would come back. Well, here I am. I suggest you leave now, forget me, forget we were friends. Why? Because I'm not your Killian anymore, lass, I'm Captain Hook, okay? Don't try to change me, that's who I've become and honestly, I'm fine with this. Don't let me ruin you." he ignores the tears that are starting to roll down her cheeks as he speaks, he ignores the itch in his fingers to wipe them away. He ignores it. He does what he's best at and ignores it. He can never admit how he truly feels about her, the King would have his head (which he already planned on). Hook can see she already knows, she feels the same, they always have. He can trust she will let him live on, somewhere in her memory, he trusts she will let him survive in this world, whether physically or not. He trusts her.

 _They are broken, torn, they couldn't take down the world, the world took them down._


End file.
